The Dust on my Feet.

Hello my dear friends,

Today is the day. Today is the day I write to you my last Rwandan blog. I have been pondering what I would say throughout my entire time here - anticipating sharing with you permanent changes I have seen within myself, the best of stories, and the memories that will forever hold a place in my heart. However, now that I am sitting in front of the computer screen, my hands are struggling to type and my mind is struglling to think - all the while, my heart is aching that this is the end.

Let me start by saying how incredible this journey has been. Thinking back on the blog posts I had written before, I am reminded of my first down, when life seemed so hard and three months seemed impossible to finish. I am reminded of the amazing people I have met - ones who have seen true hardship yet have also experienced true joy. I am challenged to keep going in my desire to travel, change and experience - to serve the world as I am called to serve and to love upon people as we are all called to love.

The other day I stopped and thought about this experience as a whole. For those who know me, you would picture a 20 year old Canadian girl who has lived at home her whole life and who hasn't left the comfort of that home for more than 2 weeks. Take that girl, your friend from home, and put her in Rwanda for 3 months to live with a Rwandan family and teach a course she herself has no knowledge in and you get the girl I am today. I am completely baffled that I was able to spend my first significant amount of time away from home in Africa. But then again, you can do anything when you put your trust and hope in God. This whole trip has been a 'trust-test'. Where is my hope? Where is my trust? Where is my identity? Those were the questions I was struggling with while here, and those are the questions that have been answered above and beyond.

I've learned the hard way, first in Serbia, then at camp and now here, that life back at home does not stop while you're away. No, no. If anything, it keeps going and gets harder. On top of the trials that I've had here in Musanze, I've also been thrown trials that have occurred back at home. The stress is only magnified 100x more since I could not be there to handle them in person and right away. Fear struck me and panic hit me many times these past few months. However, diving into scripture, listening to my podcasts and just completely praying that I would learn something through it all, I have redetermined where I put my hope and my trust - in God. If you put your hope in something earthly, you will soon realize that that earthly object, person, degree, job, etc, dies. Why not put your hope in something or rather someone, that is alive and has eternity on His side? Ya, I thought it was a good idea as well.

While being absent from home, I have really seen some relationships flourish and some reltionships die. There are some individuals who have overwhelmed me continuously with love, encouragement, prayer, funny stories, random information, and with foreign smiles. That truly awakened me to how blessed I am to have such warm people in my life. On the other hand, I was also awakened to how insignificant my relationships with others is to them and how we weren't as close as I had lead to believe. But that is completely ok! Some friends are in your life for a season, and some need to have a friendSHIFT where we just aren't suitable to be as close as we once were. Usually that thought would break my heart as, again, I truly dislike saying goodbye and feel like a failure if I do not keep up with every person in my life. I've learned the tricky way that I am only human and can't be best friends with every person I say hello to (although that would be wonderful). Some friendships grow distant and burn out. But again, I am completely ok with that. To those friendships that have only grown stronger while away, I pray and hope that you will be soft to me coming home after just spending three months here in Rwanda and that you will understand how reverse culture-shock is close in my future. We can get through it together though!

Rwanda has shown me how to be humble, how to truly feel special and how to overthrow my selfishness with selflessness. The people here are so incredibly loving and hospitable that I look at my own character and am ashamed of how closed off and greedy I have been. My family has taken me in as their own and I will always hold them with me. Mama Kellia's laugh will always be echoing in my ear and her determination to find me a Rwanda husband has been appreciated. Papa Kellia's softness and quietness was truly challenging yet I have learned so much from him. Kellia, my little sister, is something else. She's a Tyra Banks waiting to happen and has too much spunk for this world. Kelly is way shy but his toothless grin makes my heart melt every time. Kenney is my teddy bear and my cuddle buddy. He plays with my hair, rubs my arms and loves to shower me with kisses. Kenneth has been an immense challenge. Let me just say I have learned a lot from that child (who completely resembles Megamind!!) and I know that he's got lots to offer to this world once he stops peeing on the floor and learns to speak (I couldn't NOT add that in there!).

I could write a whole novel on my time here, however, I feel as though I've just written chapters 1-5 above. I am battling with a small fear now - what lies ahead for me? What is my next big adventure? Where am I called to next? However, I need to stop waiting for what is to come and start living in the here and now. This upcoming year will be full of finishing school, serving at my church, working hard at my job, and trying to be the best bridesmaid I can be for three of the most amazing women in my life. This year is many lessons waiting to be learned and a mission in itself.

I said to you before I left for this Rwandan mission of my dislike for goodbyes. I mentioned how I am awful at them and fear the day they are to come. Well, the day comes Tuesday morning when I am to say goodbye to my new family. However, I feel I will choose to say the phrase, 'see you later,' and pray that Rwanda is in my path again. So, to my new family and life here in Musanze, I say, 'see you later.' To my family, friends and loved ones at home, I say, 'I'll be seeing you soon.'

I leave this country full of the life I drank in; forever implanted on my heart, and the Rwandan dust on my feet.

Thank you for coming along on this journey with me.

Your dear friend,
-Steph